no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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