I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
