I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
