..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
