sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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