'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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