In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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