Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
