Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
