All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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