May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
