Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
