If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
