Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
