I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
