Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
