At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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