Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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