its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
