Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
