You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just pee around me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
