there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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