i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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