Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
