Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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