he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
