Its about making memories worth repressing
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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