The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
