We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
