i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
did you just send me my own nude
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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