matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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