So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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