Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
