One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
