Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I love having hate sex.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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