So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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