Where did you get a picture of my penis
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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