chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
