i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
