does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
