I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
