Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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