New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
