I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
