I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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