i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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