if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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