whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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