Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
