Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
