Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the day after is always just damage control
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
