Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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