nut hugger
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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