nut hugger
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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