Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
honey bunches of taint.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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