ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
