So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
