well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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